Let me cut to the chase. Engagement rings are the female version of ‘whose got the biggest dick contest.’ The majority of newly engaged woman just love to shove their shiny rock in her friends faces for the good ol jealousy factor. When I see that, I am disgusted and certain of what that relationship is all about. There are the genuine cases where they guy wants to give her a token of his love and she simply takes it for what it is. A symbol of his love, not a requirement or status symbol.
This has to be one of my biggest pet peeves ever. So if you are not in the mood for a rant, then you best just move on. The entire idea of spending a ton of money on a shiny rock drives me insane. As you might have guessed, I have had several discussions around this subject with my better half. We married very very young. I was 20 and she was 18. I was in school and I bought her the best ring that I couldn’t afford at the time. What I mean by couldn’t afford is that being a student and supporting myself I lived very simply. But I took my $3000 limit credit card and bought the best thing I could find for every dime I had. It wasn’t much, but it’s what I could do.
Today, she doesn’t wear that ring. The reason, embarrassment. She still wears her wedding band but when people ask about the other ring, she proclaims that she lost it. She tells me that this is easier on her than seeing the faces of her friends (spoiled ungrateful bitches whose biggest worry is which starbucks to meet at), when they see her small ring. I tell her that to me, the ring is a good symbol of how we struggled through tough times, made it past when all people doubted we could do it. And her argument, is that if I loved her I would work hard to give her the very best.
I have, never in our 16 years, worked less than two jobs. I happily work these jobs so that we can live in the best school district, in a nice house, and so she can drive a nice car.
On our 16th anniversary, the light finally clicked for me (yes I am slow and yes I was in denial). I took her to a great restaurant, gave her a box from the finest jewelry store, and she began to glow with excitement. She opened the box to find a very nice David Yurman ring that was just a smudge under $1k. Her response…”oh Susan has this one, but she has the bigger one, can we go look at that after dinner?”
Are you fucking kidding me?
But it was our anniversary so I agreed. She went in, handed the ring back and started looking at rings in the $10-15k range. When I asked why she was looking at those, she broke down in tears and said (with volume and drama) this, “will I never be good enough for you to treat me like I deserve!?!”
Son…of…a…BITCH!
So I walked out after her…oh yes, she stormed out if the store. When I caught up to her she continued with how selfish I was. Now, understand that in 16 years I have never once raised my voice, treated her poorly, or denied her any luxury I could afford. But at this moment, I was a volcano. I have no doubt I could have put my fist through a brick wall. But I didn’t. I said nothing while I calmed my most basic and instinctual thoughts. Once I calmed I said, “you know what. If I had $100,000 in my pocket right now, I still wouldn’t buy that fucking thing. We have two kids, we have no real savings, and I never complain about how much I work. But if that’s something you really want, then you are not the person I thought you were. If that diamond, the one that was likely mined by an enslaved 9 year old, is more important than the education of your kids, is more important than being happy about what gifts I give you, then shame on me for not seeing what you are long before now.”
That exchange has changed our lives..I’m not sure if it’s for better or worse. But men, my advice to you is to step back and see what is expected of you. Is it the token of your love, or is it just the token? And women, I know that society says that we should spend 2.5 months of our salary on this ring. You do understand that this standard is given by the same people who sell such items….how convinient. I expect men and women of low intellegence to accept this standard, abide by it, and become that useful consumer that is indeed needed. But I expect men and women of intellect to question such expectations. When is enough, enough? When can I stop paying the toll and expect a partnership? When can I expect that what we think is more important that the neighborhood hens?
I actually started writig this post because I found comedy in the obsession of diamonds. And I understand that this has turned into a personal rant. So, today…maybe I didn’t make you laugh, but I hole I made you think.
*disclaimer…I wrote this from my iPhone so if there are spelling, content structure, or grammatical errors…I don’t care one single bit so keep it to youself and know that I don’t want to hear it. Thanks!
