We know what you are up to girls so back off for 2 hours, ok?!?

I work hard, in fact I work 3 jobs and I do my best at all of them. Between those jobs, kids, pets, bills, blah, blah, blah…I get pretty tired. My wife works just as hard and when she needs downtime, I do my best to give it to her (short of duct taping the kids to the tree outside). I deserve the same downtime when I ask for it, but she can’t stand the fact that I am enjoying something that doesn’t include her.
So what is it I want to do? I want to watch a football game, and I’m not even a football fan, I just find it relaxing. I know what you’re thinking…you think I watch games every week, or ESPN every day, right? Buzz! Nope, I couldn’t even begin to tell you what team has what players.
Now understand that I’m not wanting to watch this game at a friends house, not live, and certainly not at a bar (I hate bars but that is a story for another time). I want to sit on my sofa, kick back, not have a conversation about repainting a house we just had painted one color for another, not discuss what all the other women did or said at your office that was so stupid, and not talk about financial or sudden marital issues. And for THE__LOVE__OF__GOD, I do NOT want to talk about when we will visit your parents! That’s it, that’s all I want. And if you want to sit there with me and WATCH the game…even better, please sit right here.
One of two things happens if I ever attempt to watch a game. She will either clean the hell out of every square inch within a 10ft radius of me, or she will come down in something ‘sexy’, and stand directly in front of the TV. (I placed sexy in quotes there because most wives just don’t get what WE think would be sexy)
It’s very easy for me to see through and understand fully what she is up to. She wants to see if I value her more that the dumb game. But at this point I wonder if SHE really knows what or why she is doing it. The reason I bring this up is because I have several married friends who say the exact same thing happens to them.
I would love to know, why is this so common? Why can’t the wives of the world not understand what downtime is? Because I can tell you what we are ALL thinking when we look at you standing there in an attempt to be more desirable than the tv. You ready? You sure? Okay then…
We see insecurity standing in front of us. And insecurity is NOT sexy. We see an ultimatum where my choice is to watch the game and deal with a week of being treated like shit, or act like I am so thankful for such a willing and giving wife. How lovely.
This is a no win situation for us. I am thinking that the next time Grays Anatomy is on…I might stroll in front if the tv comando, and do my naked helicopter impression.
Mmmm, sexy isn’t it?! Oh…you didn’t really want to watch that now that I’ve showed you my cock skills did you baby?
The moral of this story: to the wives that are given down time at the drop of a hat…give you husbands a break if he asks for it. We don’t desire the game more than you, it’s not a competition, but every time you make it one, you lose.


1 Response to “We know what you are up to girls so back off for 2 hours, ok?!?”

  1. 1 Lizzy
    January 17, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    I ADORE football. I can usually call the penalty before my boyfriend can. I love every minute from the start to however far into overtime we have to go.

    I love going over to a friend’s house for a ball game and all the women are in the kitchen yapping, and the men are in the living room watching the game – you’ll find me with the boys.

    What I never understood is why girls don’t understand that an interest in football is something that could actually ATTRACT a man!!!

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