11
Feb
10

Happy Valentine’s Day Bitches! (I mean that in an endearing way of course)

New Bulletin: Your pussy is NOT a winning lottery ticket!***

Now if you made it past that line then I think we are going to be ok. If you are a woman who read that, and did your side to side ‘snap snap’ and stopped reading…well there is no help for your selfish ass now is there princess? There are way way way too many women who think that, for any occasion, giving up their kitty should be more than enough. Ummm, we’ve already hit that a few times so what are you doing, re-gifting? Of course we will always accept that as a ‘gift’, but we all want you to know, you completely blew it in our minds. We (decent guys who try to do the right thing) at least make an attempt to give you something you want. Maybe we don’t always get it right, but we also don’t drop our pants, do the naked helicopter, and call it a gift. So you can wiggle your ass all you want, but it better be wiggling to one of the following places to get us a thoughtful gift:
-Apple Store- Engraved iPod/iPhone (do not get the iPad, we dont want to carry a fucking Pad)
-Massage Pro- There are several professional (female) massage therapist who will teach YOU how to give ME a good massage. It’s a one time lesson, the therapist shows you how to do it right with ME as the client. Super win/win here.
Lum-Tec – A limited run on each watch that is hand made and under $400 when pre-ordered.
Of course there are so many more things and if you need help, contact me and I’ll give ya some tips at any price.

Disclaimer
***Optional no cost gift:Although your pussy isn’t a winning lotto ticket, your ass almost always is!

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4 Responses to “Happy Valentine’s Day Bitches! (I mean that in an endearing way of course)”


  1. 1 KB
    February 11, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    So, we can get away without buying you ‘gentlemen’ a gift, if we open the back door to you? Is that what you are saying? Nothing like a little ass loving for Valentine’s Day.

    • 2 Woody
      February 11, 2010 at 7:19 pm

      Yeah that’s what I’m suggesting…especially if your guy has never had it. Ever. Not one f’ing time!! Oh…uh..I’m not talking about me of course.

  2. 3 the laughing one
    February 11, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    The naked helicopter? LOL

  3. July 24, 2013 at 3:10 am

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