Archive for the 'The female mind' Category


What little things turn you on?

The little things that catch our attention are so sexy because they are often primal and unintentional. Yet some women have mastered these techniques to capture their prey…I mean, to meet a guy…yeah.
When a woman caresses and slowly strokes her neckline, I read that as she is nervous but interested. If her chest is visibly flushed and she’s pulling ar her shirt, I read that one as, ‘i wish he’d tear my shirt off me!” but my mind has been known to exaggerate…just a little..sometimes.

The one that drives me crazy is anything she does with her mouth that expresses passion. Biting her lip when she looks at me, discretely licking her lips (NOT Gene Simmons style) all speak volumes. And the only thing I can think about is wanting her mouth to get to work on me…fast!

Now come on and tell me what a guy/girl does that makes you melt right there in your panties. (I’ll try your suggestions out and let you know how they scored for me!)


A Female Perspective on Dating

Hi All. My name is Betty. I suppose you’re wondering what the hell a woman is doing on Woody’s blog. Well, there are technically lots of women on Woody’s blog (and you’re all quite beautiful), but you know what I mean. A woman? Posting on Woody’s blog? Weeiiiiirdd…Kinda. Not really, if you ask me, though. Every male perspective needs a female opinion. Come to think of it, every everything needs a female opinion, hmmm? Anyway, this is my fancy way of saying that the handsome and hilarious Woody asked me to do a guest post, and I figured, ‘eh, what the hell else do I have to do, right?’ So I agreed. And being the gorgeous, popular, single girl in my twenties that I am (wink, wink), I thought, what better subject than dating and what I’ve learned from being out there? So stay tuned for this girl’s take on the dating pool I live in.

1. I have dated all ages of men. I dated a 19 year old when I was 21, a 35 year old when I was 25, and a 26 year old when I was 26. I also dated a guy 6 years younger than me a few months ago, and if you knew how old I was, you would know that is YOUNG – well, young for someone my age. I’ve learned a couple things about age. I won’t pretend to be a professional, but I’ve learned, and observed in my friends’ relationships, that when you are in your 20’s you will have the best luck dating someone close to your age. We change so much in our twenties. Example: I can barely decide what pair of shoes to wear in the morning; trying to relate to someone outside a couple years’ maturity is very hard. And that 26 year old I dated when I was 26? If he hadn’t had an erectile issue (it’s IMPORTANT!! … is that vain?), we might still be together.

2. Things I learned from dating men of all ages. A: They know within seconds if they are interested in you for sex or something more. If you listen to your gut, so will you. B: They all want sex. Some of them are nicer about it, some are meaner, but they all want it. C: The younger ones are more willing to work for it. The much younger one I dated swept me off my feet, and totally romanced me and was just so vocal about how much he cared. And I ended up sleeping with him. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but he was gorgeous and I could tell he was hung and he was just so damned eager to please!! D: The older ones won’t work as hard for it, but when they get you there, they Know . What. They’re. Doing. Now, I like sex, but I have not had a ton of partners. The 35 year old? That guy knew what he was doing, and although he was not the biggest (ahem) I’ve had, he knew exactly what to do. He was the one I had the most fun with. The lesson? They all want sex and they’re all the same when it comes to the brown-chicken-brown-cow (if that doesn’t make sense, sing it in porno music.) Now, that being said, the youngin’ (let’s call him Z) wanted a relationship; however, “relationship” to him and “relationship” to me were two totally different things. STAY WITHIN YOUR AGE GROUP, PEOPLE. The older one? Just wanted sex. And the 26 year old with the winky issue? He was totally relationship ready. I kyboshed that because sex is very important and he couldn’t have it; or…at least not very well. I don’t know why, and I tried to stay and help him, but I could only do so much.

3. If you are anything like me or my equally busy friends, you have tried online dating. And if you have seen an online dating website (one you pay for, not the creepo free ones…), you know there are TONS of guys on there, looking for girls. Cute ones, ugly ones, fat ones, skinny ones. I met some awesome guys on the site I used. I should note that I signed up merely out of curiousity and boredom, and I don’t regret it…completely. Anywho, I digress. I met some awesome guys, guys that I am still friends with. I also got my heart broken for the first time (yeah, I was old to have a first heartbreak, but I always did all the heartbreaking. Not vain, just true), hardcore, by a guy with arm sleeve tattoos and gorgeous blue eyes. My point? Yeah, try it. But go into it knowing that those guys can say anything online, and even if they tell you they want to be exclusive, if your gut tells you different (or he puts his profile back on the site…asshole,) he’s using you. Or he’s an immature assface.

4. Date lots of people. I’m not saying sleep with lots of people. As you get to know me (and I hope you will), you’ll find out that I am not the girl that is ok with having a fully notched bedpost. But DATE!! That is one thing about dating in your twenties: the dating pool is HUGE. If I wanted, I could have a few dates every weekend, and probably some during the week, too. I totally think that a girl in her twenties should date as much as possible. How else will you find out what you want, who you want to marry someday. Something else I’ve learned? All these guys love it when you are willing to try something new. So get in the kayak or on the dirtbike. You’ll have fun and odds are super small that you’ll die, so why not? Right?

I am single right now. After A, aka “online jerk ” I dated a couple guys, including Z (youngin’) who made me realize I could in fact be turned on by someone again after all, but I have not found someone that I felt connected to like A. I’m not saying I was in love with him (ok, I was), but the biggest lesson I had to learn was to protect my heart a little bit. I don’t jump right in anymore. I am very cautious about what I tell people. There is a veneer on the info I share with men, so I don’t get hurt as easily. I guess the biggest lesson I’ve learned so far is that people are gonna hurt each other. People are gonna feel things for people who don’t reciprocate those feelings. And you’re gonna be at home some Saturdays with nothing to do, feeling like a lame-o because you don’t have a date, or you’re not up in da club with the girls, drinkin’ and being generally hot and awesome. And that’s ok. Because as confusing as dating is, it’s also got its high points: The giddy magic is still there when you meet someone new and you’re still allowed to make mistakes without people just shaking their heads at you…
Ok, now back to sexy time – thanks for indulging this girl who has no previous blogging experience! Oh, and one last thing? Always listen to Woody. He will never steer you wrong. Unless by wrong you mean into his bed, or a quiet forest park somewhere. If that’s the case, he will most definitely try to steer you wrong, but you will probably go, because hello!! Hotness!


Does size matter? No, not that!

Let me cut to the chase. Engagement rings are the female version of ‘whose got the biggest dick contest.’ The majority of newly engaged woman just love to shove their shiny rock in her friends faces for the good ol jealousy factor. When I see that, I am disgusted and certain of what that relationship is all about. There are the genuine cases where they guy wants to give her a token of his love and she simply takes it for what it is. A symbol of his love, not a requirement or status symbol.
This has to be one of my biggest pet peeves ever. So if you are not in the mood for a rant, then you best just move on. The entire idea of spending a ton of money on a shiny rock drives me insane. As you might have guessed, I have had several discussions around this subject with my better half. We married very very young. I was 20 and she was 18. I was in school and I bought her the best ring that I couldn’t afford at the time. What I mean by couldn’t afford is that being a student and supporting myself I lived very simply. But I took my $3000 limit credit card and bought the best thing I could find for every dime I had. It wasn’t much, but it’s what I could do.
Today, she doesn’t wear that ring. The reason, embarrassment. She still wears her wedding band but when people ask about the other ring, she proclaims that she lost it. She tells me that this is easier on her than seeing the faces of her friends (spoiled ungrateful bitches whose biggest worry is which starbucks to meet at), when they see her small ring. I tell her that to me, the ring is a good symbol of how we struggled through tough times, made it past when all people doubted we could do it. And her argument, is that if I loved her I would work hard to give her the very best.
I have, never in our 16 years, worked less than two jobs. I happily work these jobs so that we can live in the best school district, in a nice house, and so she can drive a nice car.
On our 16th anniversary, the light finally clicked for me (yes I am slow and yes I was in denial). I took her to a great restaurant, gave her a box from the finest jewelry store, and she began to glow with excitement. She opened the box to find a very nice David Yurman ring that was just a smudge under $1k. Her response…”oh Susan has this one, but she has the bigger one, can we go look at that after dinner?”
Are you fucking kidding me?
But it was our anniversary so I agreed. She went in, handed the ring back and started looking at rings in the $10-15k range. When I asked why she was looking at those, she broke down in tears and said (with volume and drama) this, “will I never be good enough for you to treat me like I deserve!?!”
So I walked out after her…oh yes, she stormed out if the store. When I caught up to her she continued with how selfish I was. Now, understand that in 16 years I have never once raised my voice, treated her poorly, or denied her any luxury I could afford. But at this moment, I was a volcano. I have no doubt I could have put my fist through a brick wall. But I didn’t. I said nothing while I calmed my most basic and instinctual thoughts. Once I calmed I said, “you know what. If I had $100,000 in my pocket right now, I still wouldn’t buy that fucking thing. We have two kids, we have no real savings, and I never complain about how much I work. But if that’s something you really want, then you are not the person I thought you were. If that diamond, the one that was likely mined by an enslaved 9 year old, is more important than the education of your kids, is more important than being happy about what gifts I give you, then shame on me for not seeing what you are long before now.”
That exchange has changed our lives..I’m not sure if it’s for better or worse. But men, my advice to you is to step back and see what is expected of you. Is it the token of your love, or is it just the token? And women, I know that society says that we should spend 2.5 months of our salary on this ring. You do understand that this standard is given by the same people who sell such items….how convinient. I expect men and women of low intellegence to accept this standard, abide by it, and become that useful consumer that is indeed needed. But I expect men and women of intellect to question such expectations. When is enough, enough? When can I stop paying the toll and expect a partnership? When can I expect that what we think is more important that the neighborhood hens?
I actually started writig this post because I found comedy in the obsession of diamonds. And I understand that this has turned into a personal rant. So, today…maybe I didn’t make you laugh, but I hole I made you think.
*disclaimer…I wrote this from my iPhone so if there are spelling, content structure, or grammatical errors…I don’t care one single bit so keep it to youself and know that I don’t want to hear it. Thanks!

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